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Why you should never feel bad about not knowing your ‘feelings’

posted by Peter December 5, 2016 0 comments

You’ve probably already experienced the situation where someone asks you how you ‘feel’ about something. It will almost invariably be a woman; men seldom ask.

But it is one that women often throw at guys – of any age.

You’ll notice I’ve said feel as opposed to think. What you think about something is relatively easy.

But feel…

Well, ironically, it is one of the few times we can go “it’s not my fault”, and for a number of reasons.

Firstly, generally speaking our minds aren’t built that way. We’re more doers than debaters, externalisers rather than internalisers.

That makes us particularly good at charging at machine guns across no-mans-land or taking out the rubbish. It makes us not so good at viewing a situation or a person or a relationship from multiple angles, and figuring out where we sit from that perspective.

Guys legitimately can reduce feelings to good or bad

In that regard our feeling about something can be reduced to ‘good’ or ‘bad’. If we feel good, we’ll continue to interact, buy, love, read, eat, or make whatever is the subject of the matter. If bad, well, we’ll do something about it.

Call it our reptilian brain, call it our black and whiteness, it is our default (the same as factory reset).

On the other hand, from the get go women are encouraged to, and (probably) naturally, examine all the above situations and events from different viewpoints; and match that against their ever-changing view of things.

That’s what a feeling is – an internalised viewpoint.

And, they’re constantly asking themselves, asking among themselves, what their feeling is. They ask in order to find out more about the other person, to see where each fit.

At the same time, because women so often discuss these sorts of things, they get a grip on the language and meanings of different words and descriptions that apply to feelings.

Which means, it is totally valid – and neither right nor wrong, just ‘is’ – to not have a feeling about something if you’re a guy.

There’s another thing too.

Believe it or not, you’ll get better at accessing those feelings as you get older. It must be part of nature’s trick to slowly evolve that part of our brain.

It’s probably because we realise there is no right (or wrong answer) so we go with our gut feeling. That’s fine.

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